Ride or Die

The last time I wrote a reflection blog was exactly three years ago: 2012. Hindsight is always 20/20. That blog was inspired by the previous year’s reflection. So why didn’t I write on December 31st, 2013 or 2014?

If you look at #12 of what I wrote on the last reflection blog, I was in a place of healing. Long story short, 2013 and 2014 were both a part of that process and I was definitely in a completely different mindset. In 2013, not only was I healing emotionally and spiritually, I was also healing from a severe case of shingles that broke out on the right side of my face. It was a pretty dark time for me which involved a lot of isolation and depression. After getting out of my hermit shell, I went into 2014 with a bit of an “I don’t give a f*ck” attitude. I got into a relationship that wasn’t right for me, started drinking heavily, and kind of lost myself.

On July 9th, 2014, a pastor I knew from Taiwan passed away suddenly. I attended his “Celebration of Life” service and this deep stirring started happening in me. I was being reminded of who God had called me to be. At the same time, I was still with this person that wasn’t right for me and I started to have this heaviness on my heart that needed to be released. Just a few weeks after that, the relationship ended and God was there for me through it all. Even when I wasn’t exactly there for Him. That’s actually how I got saved in the first place, ten years ago on September 11th, 2005, but that’s another story. Anyway, mid-2014 was a very transitional time for me. It involved a lot of purging and refocusing. As a matter of fact, I disconnected from all of social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) for the last four months of the year in order to reconnect with people who mattered. It was a time that I truly discovered who my real friends were and had my family (both biological and spiritual) to lean on.

2015 was truly a new year for me. I shed a lot of old skin. And quite literally, too, with the scarring from the shingles. In the tradition of the former reflection posts, I shall list 15 highlights of this year:

1. I started dreaming vividly again.
2. I got back into a Bible study with an amazing group of women.
3. I hosted “FOBluck Tuesdays” for season 1 of Fresh Off the Boat (potluck + FOTB… get it?).
4. I started studying with Joe Anthony after having taken a hiatus from acting classes for over a year. His class started challenging me in new ways and has definitely been stretching me. There’s still a lot of work to be done here.
5. In March, I started collaborating with a very unique group of individuals on a pretty awesome creative project that could only be put together by God.
6. During pilot season, I went out for a lot of amazing opportunities. I may not have booked anything, but I definitely had a lot of fun auditioning.
7. Several divine encounters happened with people that were all so intertwined that I’m just in awe of how God can connect the dots.
8. In April, I started speaking with a therapist on almost a weekly basis. She has helped me immensely in seeing the real me more clearly.
9. Also, in April, I started fostering rescue dogs on top of the dog sitting I had already been doing. My place actually became quite the revolving door for different dogs for awhile.
10. In September, I met MY dog, Moki. They say that the dog chooses you… and in short, that’s what happened. She was rescued from an illegal backyard breeder. Within a week of fostering her, I knew she was my dogmate. Three weeks later, when I took her to the clinic to get spayed, I found out she was pregnant with at least three puppies.
11. On October 19th, Moki had FIVE puppies. Five is the number for grace and I kid you not, the fifth born, little MoMo, has a CROSS on his chest.
12. Out of yet another divine encounter, I was led to a new Bible study where once again, dots continue to be connected.
13. In October, I booked a major commercial, joined SAG-AFTRA, and booked my first Co-Star on a major TV show.
14. On December 1st, my niece, Audrey, was born.
15. A few days later, I was arrested for a DUI.

In summary, this was an extremely fruitful year in terms of meaningful relationships and new experiences that I’m incredibly thankful for. Some of you may be wondering how #15 is a highlight. Well, as weird as this might sound, I thought that being arrested and spending the night in jail was actually a really good experience. Aside from that, I completely saw God’s hand in the whole thing as soon as I sobered up. I won’t get into the details now and it’s obviously something that’s still in progress. But I will share with you a big revelation I had from this experience: If driving is a privilege in our society, driving in the Kingdom of God is a major privilege and the keys can be taken away at any time. Whether you believe in God or not, you can’t deny I’ve been pretty blessed or fortunate this year. And going back to who God has called me to be… well, drinking like a fool definitely ain’t part of the picture. #15 may have very well saved my own life and the lives of others.

There’s much more that I could go on and on about, but I actually need to wrap this up as I’m already running late to a NYE gathering. So guys and gals who have actually read all of this… wow, thanks for “listening.” I just felt like I NEEDED to write this blog. It’s probably the most free-flowing blog I’ve ever written where I’m not actually going back to edit and censor the hell out of myself as I’ve done many times in the past.

Anyway, on December 31st, 2015, I’m definitely taking a real hard look at myself with all my blessings and all my flaws. For 2016, I think God just wants me to sit in the passenger seat and be his ride or die. It’s not a bad place to be.

So *cheers* with my imaginary glass of champagne. I pray that you all have an amazing 2016 full of blessings and truth.